Becoming More Assertive- 10 Tips You Need To Make it Work

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Okay, so the picture above might be a bit of a stretch. But ask yourself this: Have you ever felt like people took you for granted? Do those really cute blue shoes look familiar to you? Even if it "could" be you, don't you deserve to be treated better? YES YOU DO!  You don't have to catch a case or become all rude to get respect.  Just become more assertive. How? I knew you'd ask me and I got you covered...(No pun intended).

Change Your Mindset: Instead of believing yourself to be a door-mat change your mind and believe that you are confident and assertive. By telling yourself that you are assertive regularly you will come to believe it. You can always try coaching, neuro linguistic programming or hypnosis which are all effective methods of changing your mind-set.

Start Small: If you are really struggling with feeling that you are not assertive enough, then don’t feel you need to change your entire personality and way of dealing with issues and people in one go. Pick one situation where you feel that you can change your attitude and start there.

Use Active Listening: This is a skill that will really help you develop your assertiveness. Active listening involves paying close attention to what is being said, using eye contact and body language to develop rapport with the speaker and not interrupting. You can signal your interest by nodding and smiling as they speak. Repeating back elements of what they have said when you reply will signal your interest and make you appear confident.

Practice: Assertiveness doesn’t happen overnight so take time to practice regularly. Make use of a close friend, mentor or coach. Failing that use a mirror. Identify aspects in successful people that you feel indicate their assertiveness and practice incorporating them into how you think, speak and act. Make sure that you look natural and don’t overdo it. There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive.

Use “I”: By using “I think…” or “I feel…” you are showing that you have your own ideas and feelings and are not afraid to show them. By stating your opinion, you are showing your self-confidence. You don’t need to be confrontational as you can reiterate their point of view and show that you value it even though you may not agree with it.

Watch Your Body Language: Your body speaks volumes about how you are feeling and so if you want to come across and confident and assertive then you need to use the correct body language. Stand (or sit) straight and tall. Hold your shoulders back and your head high like you got super powers! You’ll not only look more confident but feel it too.

Use Eye Contact: Maintain regular eye contact with whoever you are talking (or listening) to. Not only is this polite but it shows interest in them and what they have to say. You will also appear more confident. You do need to be careful not to stare though as this would just be rude, intimidating and really weird. Seriously, don't stare.

Control Your Voice: It’s not just what you say that is important but how you say it. Your tone of voice can betray how you are feeling. If you want to come across as confident and assertive then you need to speak evenly and avoid rushing or allowing your voice to rise. Both of these are signs of stress and anxiety. Remember to pause and breathe before you start speaking, and take it slow and steady.

Use Jedi Mind Trick: This is a useful technique when dealing with aggressive people. Instead of feeling attacked or becoming aggressive, you respond by agreeing with what they have said and then stating what you think or do instead. This confuses them and defuses their aggressiveness but makes you appear calm and confident. An example of this in action would be: Aggressor: “You’re always late for work! I don’t know why you don’t get fired!” You: “Yes, I’m often late but Mr. James knows that I take a later train to work so I can drop my kids off at school. I always make up the time at the end of the day and Mr. James really appreciates as it means he’s got help after everyone else has left for the day!” Now, walk away. They won't know what hit them!

Use Affirmations: Using these on a daily basis can really help change the way you think and feel about yourself as they instil positive thoughts into your sub-conscious. Remember our inner talk is a huge contributor to how we feel about ourselves. Saying affirmations works best in the first 20 minutes of waking and the 20 minutes before you go to sleep at night. You can also write or print them out and put them up in places where you can see them regularly.

So, now that I have provided you 10 tips to become a more assertive you, I want you to practice them until you feel your assertiveness super power activating!  Too much on the super powers? I get carried away sometimes. My bad. I know it's a lot to contend with and for some of are just not enough. If that's who you are, I'd like to offer you a little more help. For a very short period of time (next 48 hours)  you can download my book: "Unwavering Confidence" right now and get it for just $12.97. ($10 savings)  All you have to do is just click on the image of the book to get access today!

Remember, this offer goes away in 48 hours so don't wait!  



Confidence, or lack of it, can make you or break you.  Although it is normal not to be confident in every area of your life, it is important to have confidence in some areas and to know how to develop it in the other areas of your life.  Doing so, can result in opportunities for advancement in many areas of life, from personal relationships to work relationships. Confidence is not necessarily something that you have or you don't.  It takes work to develop, but it can be done!  You too can make your dreams come true of achieving success in particular areas of your life.

Beverly Jones-Durr is a Dynamic Speaker, Author, Artist, Certified Life/Business Strategist, and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She creates courses  and writes books that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable. Check out "Four Road Blocks Keeping You from Getting What You want", a four part video series that puts you on course to mastering all areas of your life. You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube