Four Shades of Limiting Beliefs

“We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs…”

-Louise L. Haywell

  Limiting beliefs are what you hold to be true about who you are that limit the development of your physical, emotional, financial, intellectual and spiritual potential. The ongoing relationship between limiting beliefs and low self-esteem is epic. Low self-esteem is like a parasite that feeds off the energy you supply to your limiting beliefs.  One thrives because of the other. How does this happen?  It happens over time.  For instance, telling a child they ask too many questions might lead the child to believe asking questions is a bad thing; when a child is yelled at all the time the child might believe they are not worthy of kindness. You get the picture. Limiting beliefs can provide an unrealistic sense of safety…that keeps you behind the picket fence even though what you’d love to do is swim in the ocean.  Let me introduce you to what I call the four shades of limiting beliefs.

Education   When forming our perceptions of the world, we cannot depend solely on life experiences.  There is only so much we can get into to draw our conclusions.  How we view the world in general comes from listening to our parents and teachers.  Listening and also what we read is also important because it helps us to understand how to behave in the world.  Although education tells you what is right and wrong, good and bad and helps you survive and grow it also can limit the things you experience because you may never try things.  In turn you might miss out on useful experiences and knowledge.

Jacked-up logic   When making decisions we often make them in error, based on what someone else’s outcome was.  We can be quick to write something off that we believe will be a failure for us simply because it was a failure for someone else. Let’s not forgot about the people who make decisions based on a hunch.  These people will gather a little bit of data and then generalize the results as fact.  Decisions like these are usually based on our subconscious hopes and fears.  That is jacked-up!  When you don’t challenge the cause and effect as a reasonable ingredient your decision is flawed.

Excuses   One reason we use jacked-up logic and form limiting beliefs is to make excuses for our perceived failures.  When we do something and it does not work it’s never our fault.  We have to explain away our failure by forming and using beliefs which justify our actions and leave us blameless. But in doing so, we do not learn and continue to paint a portrait of ourselves outlined by limiting beliefs that determine what we think and do in the future.

Fear   Limiting beliefs are often fear-driven. Locking the belief in place is the fear that if you go against the beliefs, certain needs will be harmed. Truthfully we all to some degree have a strong social component factored into the decisions we make.  The smallest chance of criticism, ridicule or rejection by others is more than enough to inhibit us in a powerful way. Limiting beliefs remind us constantly that we might be harmed in some way by others.  That fear serves as the catalyst that results in avoidance and/or appeasement.

Which shade of limiting beliefs are you using to create your self-portrait?

When our beliefs become those which constrain us in some way they are deemed limiting. Limiting beliefs can seriously hold us back in life and most of the time such beliefs are invisible to us. They control some of our thoughts and behaviors behind the scenes, just enough to reduce our results in some area of life.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  How can you change or rid yourself of these limiting beliefs?   Stay tuned! Next week I will show you how to identify your limiting beliefs. After all, you can not change what you don’t acknowledge.

Bev Jones-Durr is The Legacy Builder! She is a published Author, Certified Life and Business Strategist and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She creates programs that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measurable. Don’t forget to check out,  “Four Road Blocks Keeping You from Getting What You want”, a four part video series that puts you on course to mastering all areas of your life as a gift.  You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFacebook and YouTube

Asking For Help: Weakness or Strength?

Today as I sat in my prayer room in the presence of God, He reminded me that asking for help is not a weakness but a necessity. He led me to this scripture in Isaiah 30:18-19 which reads “So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries.”

We are encouraged to ask for help but what stops us? Pride is one of those elements when left unchecked will destroy you. Proverbs 16-18 tells us that “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” When pride lives in our hearts, we are more concerned with other people’s perceptions of us than we are the reality of our own hearts. We fiercely battle the inferiorities that have an impact on how others see us, and make peace with the ones that no one sees. We strive to be seen as having great success in the areas that have high visibility, but little concern for the disciplines that happen in private that aren’t visible to outsiders.

I had to examine my reason for not asking for help.  I’m not saying that God and I don’t communicate, because we do. However, this is the discipline I must work on…I think I have to do it all.  Once God has guided me and provided his counsel…I grab the gauntlet and head out into battle.   Some people might say that’s a proper response.  Let me share with you how I know that is not the response intended. I used to think it was because I didn’t want to feel like a burden, be turned down, or be seen as wanting to control everything. I have to admit this inner reflection was hard for me. Truthfully, I didn’t ask for help because I felt that this was My purpose, My dream, My divine assignment and I didn’t want anyone messing it up. But here is why that doesn’t work. God intended for me to reach out to others who’d also been given their divine assignment and allow them to walk in their purpose.  I made a judgement that my divine assignment had priority and nothing else was more important. I was so off the mark and out of alignment with God that my body ached. Executing my divine assignment became increasingly more difficult. If you pay attention to your body, your surroundings and everything that happens in your life you will be able to feel yourself get off track too. So, I’ll just say it! I am off track!

I have a divine assignment and when my assignment isn’t working out or becomes difficult to complete…I have no choice but to go back to the one who assigned it and ask for help. If I don’t do this, I won’t get far in life trying to live off of our own strength.  God has shown me how impossible that would be.  When God gives you your assignment, He wants you to ask for help. It’s never meant for us to do God’s will by ourselves. God is the one who guides us in the right path. That is the lesson I finally learned. So, how am I going to get back on track? Glad you asked. Contrary to what I believed before my divine assignment needs help from several people that God has strategically placed in my realm that are ready to assist me.  This is a mutually supported association in which we all help each other to complete our divine assignments. My divine assignment led me to establish Every Child Has a Story, a non-profit organization whose mission and vision is too big for one person. Clearly I knew this but pride said, “Girl, you got this!” No I didn’t…pride lied to me and the worst part is… I listened. Don’t let pride cause the destruction of your divine assignment. Trust in God. Sometimes God helps us by doing things Himself and sometimes God helps us through other people. We must never be afraid to get wise counsel and help with big decisions from others. Asking for help means you are strong and wise. Pride is a sin that keeps from asking for help even when they desperately need it.

I am asking for help. I need your help in supporting Every Child Has a Story and its mission to build self-esteem one child at a time.  Does your divine assignment present an opportunity to collaborate with us? Think over it and if your answer is yes, please email me so we can connect. That email address is: director@everychildhasastory.org

Remember, this is a mutually supported association in which we all help each other to complete our divine assignments. How can I help you? I stand ready to assist you in completing your divine assignment.

Beverly Jones-Durr is founder of Every Child Has a Story. Every Child Has a Story is a registered 501(c)(3) non – profit organization that was created on the need for empowering today’s youth by becoming the bridge in the proverbial village it takes to raise a child, connecting families in a reciprocal learning experience. Through our programs, Speech Crafters Speech and Debate Club, “The Only Public Speaking Club for Kids and Teens in AL,” and “The Writer’s Vibe, “Empowering the Voices of Today’s Youth through Words,” we build and enhance stellar self-confidence and self-esteem in families across communities, and the Jr. CEO Academy where youth develop business entreprenurial skills to build a successful business.  If you would like to help Every Child Has a Story provide continued empowerment, training, workshops, and educational support to children, teens and young adults, please consider volunteering or donate.   Your support enables us to continue our mission to enhance and develop the self-esteem, self-confidence and cultivate leadership skills in oral and written communication for children, teens and young adults.   Please click here to complete your donation through our secure and easy online donation process. Subscribe to our newsletter so you can receive updates on our successes and development of new programs. I promise we will not spam you. You can also follow Beverly on TwitterFaceBook and YouTube

The New Year is Here: Need a Little Help?

[or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”394″ caption=”Are You Wearing a Mask?” image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] There’s something about the holidays and the end of the year that moves us into reflection… Reflection on our lives, relationships and career choices.  Now that the tinsel is ready to come down, the twinkle of holiday lights are fading…what are you reflecting on?  Have you gotten  used to the mask(s) you wear that tricks others into thinking you’re okay?  Are you really okay? Are you sick and tired of being stuck? Has fear stolen your clarity?  Tired of wearing that mask?  Are you ready to follow your instincts and live your best life?  Don’t you deserve it?   If you are ready to work through the fear and learn to live your best life…Keep Reading! [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”2366″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] As a Certified Life and Business Strategist, I can help you!  Together we can: –  Get rid of the Confusion. – Focus your Energy on Discovering your Purpose. – Communicate in clarity, confidence and effectiveness. – Develop clear goals that will help you create the life you want. – Identify and utilize your situations to embrace life lessons. – Learn to manage your stress in efficient and effective ways. – Discover those default beliefs that are sabotaging your success. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”751″ caption=”I will provide the accountability needed to help you to reach your goals!” image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Are you ready to find Answers to these questions? Who am I and what do I want? What is important to me? What are my challenges? What gets in my way? Where do I want to go? How would I feel if my life were exactly the way I wanted it to be? What am I passionate about? [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”753″ caption=”Are YOU ready to Get Started? ” image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Here’s your First Step!  Book your Free 15 minute Discovery Session with me TODAY!  You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain! Schedule Here  [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”2347″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”33px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Beverly Jones-Durr is an Author, Certified Life and Business Strategist and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She creates programs that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable. Get instant access to “Four Road Blocks Keeping You from Getting What You Want”, a four part video series that puts you on course to mastering all areas of your life as a gift.  You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”1639″ image_align=”center”][/or_column][/or_row]

Do you Count Your Blessings?

 

Are you the type of person that likes to count their blessings? If so this means that you have learned what it means to be grateful for certain things in your life. These can be physical items like owning your own home or they can be on a more personal level, by being grateful for someone in your life.

The concept of being grateful for what you have can be difficult for some people to understand. Instead of focusing on what they have, many people find it easier to be constantly thinking about what they don’t have.

Think about this for a moment. Do you really have to be wealthy to feel as though you are? Will having a million dollars in the bank automatically make you happy? The answer to both of these questions is no. Money doesn’t buy you happiness and you don’t need physical wealth to feel wealthy.

 

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Wealth can be compared to having abundance and gratitude in your life. If you are surrounded by people who love and respect you, you will instantly feel treasured in return. When babies are born they can’t speak or ask for your love, they love and trust you from the moment they enter the world. In return all that they want is to be loved and taken care of with no strings attached!

A person who has just undergone lifesaving surgery can feel extremely grateful to be alive, even though they may be faced with months of rehab and physiotherapy.

When you think about what you have to be grateful for you should look further then just physical items. There is more to life than money and owning all the latest and greatest tech items on the market.

 

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Being grateful for your life consists of understanding what you have gone through to get to where you are today. This includes your struggles and fears as well as your successes and failures. After all who doesn’t learn from making a mistake? These are the moments that you want to relish and enjoy.

Your friends and family are a huge source of people that you can be grateful for. Get into the habit of counting your blessings for having them in your life. This also includes you telling them that you are thankful for them! It’s not always easy to speak those kind of words out loud, but when you do they can have a greater impact and reach than you ever thought possible.

 

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Are you up for a challenge? It’s my 5 Day Gratitude Challenge! Five days of help and prompts to move you towards embracing gratitude in your life.  Delivered direct to your inbox, this challenge lasts only five days, but sets the foundation for your future success. Embracing gratitude will position you to actually achieve those goals we all make at the beginning of the year…and that’s coming up fast!

All you need to do is click the link below and become part of the Life mastery Secrets Community. The 5 Day Gratitude Challenge starts right away.  We’re just waiting for you. Oh, and it’s FREE!  Didn’t I say that already? There is absolutely no cost to you…and I will even send you a workbook to track your progress! Click on the link below.

Together, let’s make 2018 the year of successes!

5 Day Gratitude Challenge

 

 

 

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Coach Beverly Jones-DurrBeverly Jones-Durr is known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so they can slay the Time Dragon and get stuff done. She is the creator of My Life Mastery Secrets, a program that helps women to develop their authentic selves and create a positive and powerful mindset while creating action plans that are both attainable and measureable to ensure a healthy balance of work and life guilt-free.  

You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube

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Bev’s Hours of Operation

[or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2333″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”38px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] In an effort to serve you better and maintain a healthy work life balance I have developed the following office hours. These office hours make it easier to serve you and my family more effectively. Please make note of these times and dates and try to plan your questions and projects around them. Hours of Operation:

  • Monday – Thurs 9 am – 3 pm (Closed 12 pm-1 pm for lunch)
  • Friday:Closed*
  • Saturday:Closed*
  • Sunday:Closed*
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Communication

  • When I check email:During normal business hours I generally check and respond to emails twice per day – once in the morning at 9am CST and in the afternoon at 2pm CST.
  • *During closed business hours: Emails, calls and other online messages will ONLY be responded to during normal business hours.
  • **Emergencies: I know emergencies happen. So, ask yourself,Is this really important enough to interrupt Bev’s lunch or family time?If you feel the answer a definite YES, send me a text message with brief information regarding the issue and I’ll respond as soon as I can.
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Additional Office Closures You Should Know About…

Additionally, my office will be closed during vacations, major holidays and once per quarter for business development.

November (2017)

  • 11/23 – Thanksgiving
  • 11-28 Closed for Live Stream Telethon

  December (2017)

  • 12/20 – 12/26
  • New Year’s Eve 12/31

January: (2018)

  • 1/1- New Year’s Day
  • 1/15 – Martin Luther King Jr. Day

February:

  • 2/19 – President’s Day

March:

  • 3/26 -4/1 – Business Development

April: 

  • Open all month, yay!

  May:

  • 5/28- Memorial Day

June:

  • 6/25 – 7/1 – Closed for Business Development

July:

  • 7/4 – Independence Day

August:

  • 8/6 – 8/13 Vacation

September:

  • 9/3 – Labor Day 9/24-9/30 – Business Development

October:

  • 10/8 – Columbus Day

November:

  • 11/12 – Veteran’s Day Observance
  • 11/22 – Thanksgiving

December 2018:

  • 12/17 – 1/3/2019 – Holiday Vacation + Business Development
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Click Here to Download this Schedule

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I Sent You a Boat

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When the Lord directs your steps, do you resist?  We would all quickly reply, NO but is that really the truth?  I don’t know about you, but for me that NO wasn’t the first answer I proclaimed.  God and I have a long history…way back to my childhood when I was taught about the Great and All Knowing God.  Listening to the stories in church and the ones my parents shared made God sound like the Original Super Hero.  Through my childish imagination I pictured God standing atop a huge mountain looking down at His creations.  God was in charge and if you didn’t listen to Him and follow His commands…well, you just didn’t want to go there.  However, in walked me.  Momma said I was different.

 

 

God created in me a strong will and having such I became prone to resisting others opinions and demands on me.  My mother called it hard-headed and my daddy called it stubborn. Regardless of what anyone called it I was determined to make up my own mind. I knew God made me that way because the bible tells me that God gave us “free will”.  Free will for me meant you were absolutely not the boss of me! Forget about it!

 

 

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Steel Makes Contact With Steel

 

 

 

 

Now, fast forward to a few months ago…  I was struggling with balancing my business endeavors against my personal life. Let me tell you…I wasn’t doing a good job.  Yes, I knew I wasn’t doing a good job but that strong will kept telling me that I can fix it.  I had some personal setbacks and was trying to regain my momentum.  Let me tell you something, life has a way of just shutting things down. Life jumps on your seemingly smooth ride and commences to cause such chaos  that all you can do is put out one fire after another… not even realizing that the ride is no longer moving.  Have you ever been on a train when the emergency brakes were applied?  Steel makes contact with steel and the force causes such a huge shift in momentum that if you aren’t careful you find yourself on your tush.  That happened to me. Steel hit steel so hard I was in a tailspin unable to balance.  My ride came to a complete stop!

 

 

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Now, maybe for other people, figuring out the next move is simple.  I’m different. It wasn’t for me.  I thought I could get my ride moving again if I hired a team to take over some of the work. Moving a ride back into momentum is tricky business for one person. A team just made sense.  Here’s what I forgot.  I forgot that I have a couple bags of “stuff” God had me to carry with me on my ride.  What’s in those bags?  Honey, my life lessons are in those bags.  Life lessons are my stuff.  See, we have a tendency to forget the broken tracks that stopped the ride months ago.  That track was repaired and I have the broken pieces to prove it.  At that time I was listening and allowing God to direct my steps and He directed me right into repair.  Thing is, I signed my ride out of recovery before it was ready.  Strong minded people don’t listen…we think we know.  Trust me, we don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

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So, I found myself right back in that frustrated, stagnate, going no where state. My ride was just sitting dead on the track not going anywhere.  I tried everything but the one simple thing that was staring me in the face.  I tried to hire a team to get my ride moving and that failed.  When I say failed, I mean I could not even get a team together.  I tried to move my ride by myself. No matter how hard I pushed, worked, strategized…my ride did not move… not one single inch! Let me share with you a story I read awhile back…no doubt it’s among the contents of my stuff that I’ve been hauling around on my ride but ignored.  It goes like this:

 

 

 

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A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived in heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”

“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.”

 

 

 

 

 

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(Insert Crickets Chirping Here)

 

 

 

 

 

 Yep, it was staring me in the face and I was blinded by my strong minded attitude convinced that I can do this on my own!  Who was I kidding? Not God!  He knew, just like all parents know when their child is struggling but will not ask the one person in the universe for help! HELLO! I wore myself out trying to fix this dilemma that I created. Yes, it was my bad. God gave me a special gift. He trusted me to nurture and grow this amazing gift. Instead of that gift being enough for me, I strapped on a super-woman cape, gassed up my invisible jet plane and headed off to save the world from itself.  Sometimes you need to review your stuff for your own clues.

 

 

 

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God patiently dropped crumbs and nudged me towards a better direction because He knew what my outcome would be.  Complete shut-down of my ride! Eventually, I would have to call out for my Father.  This was, without a doubt, a job for the Original Super Hero!  I made the choice to go to God in prayer. This one started out with “Dear Father, I am SO stuck, HELP!”  Let me tell you, God just knows. He knew I was stuck long before I was willing to accept it.  I think he even moved that brick wall a couple of times. But when you are hard headed and stubborn hitting the wall is inevitable. My ride was broke and so was I. I asked for crystal clear clarity and that’s what I got.

 

 

That gift I mentioned earlier…the one God trusted me with… I still have it. The difference now is I know it is enough.  My gift is not to save the world.  However, my gift is just as important because it came directly from the Father of the universe. I am grateful to have this gift and all it’s by-products. Not only did God give me an amazing gift, but it came in overflow! Every single thing needed to nurture and grow my gift was already provided.

 

 

 

 

 

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What’s my focus now? How have I gotten my ride back on track? Well, I moved my ride to a better track and the move was easy. I didn’t have to drag along my super woman cape or that invisible jet plane. I don’t need them. I’m traveling light and therefore my momentum has been recharged.  So, you will notice a definite change in the way I do business starting right now. I can do many things as my website proclaims, because I was built that way.  But until my assignment changes, Every Child Has a Story is my only focus and my only ride. My gift from God is to enhance, encourage and empower both the spoken and written voices of our youth!  I have received and confirmed my direct assignment from the Lord.  I may not have always followed God’s marching orders…but I thank the Lord God Almighty, Jehovah Jireh did not hold that against me.  The Lord is not through with me yet!

 

Are you showing gratitude for your gifts?  Are you trying to save the world as the next super hero? Well, if that’s you, then there’s a wall in your future too. Let me know how it works out.

 

 

 

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Beverly Jones-Durr is an Author, Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life Purpose Coach and Educational Facilitator. She is founder of Every Child Has a Story which houses Speech Crafters Club and The Writer’s Vibe. As Director at Speech Crafters  Speech and Debate Club, “The Only Public Speaking Club of it’s kind for Kids and Teens in Alabama”, Beverly empowers young people to command their voice, feelings, ideals, energy and intellect and use all of that to boost their communication skills. Speech Crafters Speech and Debate Club is a safe place for members age 8 and up to explore creativity and enhance their communication skills all while enhancing self-esteem and confidence. The Writer’s Vibe is a program that empowers youth to use words to write stories only they can write and become stellar wordsmiths whose talents will no doubt someday change the world. The Writers Vibe program launches in 2018  Check us out and prepare to be amazed!

You can also follow Beverly 0n Twitter, FaceBook and Pinterest

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Becoming More Assertive- 10 Tips You Need To Make it Work

[or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2314″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Okay, so the picture above might be a bit of a stretch. But ask yourself this: Have you ever felt like people took you for granted? Do those really cute blue shoes look familiar to you? Even if it “could” be you, don’t you deserve to be treated better? YES YOU DO!  You don’t have to catch a case or become all rude to get respect.  Just become more assertive. How? I knew you’d ask me and I got you covered…(No pun intended). [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”36px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Change Your Mindset: Instead of believing yourself to be a door-mat change your mind and believe that you are confident and assertive. By telling yourself that you are assertive regularly you will come to believe it. You can always try coaching, neuro linguistic programming or hypnosis which are all effective methods of changing your mind-set. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Start Small: If you are really struggling with feeling that you are not assertive enough, then don’t feel you need to change your entire personality and way of dealing with issues and people in one go. Pick one situation where you feel that you can change your attitude and start there. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use Active Listening: This is a skill that will really help you develop your assertiveness. Active listening involves paying close attention to what is being said, using eye contact and body language to develop rapport with the speaker and not interrupting. You can signal your interest by nodding and smiling as they speak. Repeating back elements of what they have said when you reply will signal your interest and make you appear confident. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Practice: Assertiveness doesn’t happen overnight so take time to practice regularly. Make use of a close friend, mentor or coach. Failing that use a mirror. Identify aspects in successful people that you feel indicate their assertiveness and practice incorporating them into how you think, speak and act. Make sure that you look natural and don’t overdo it. There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use “I”: By using “I think…” or “I feel…” you are showing that you have your own ideas and feelings and are not afraid to show them. By stating your opinion, you are showing your self-confidence. You don’t need to be confrontational as you can reiterate their point of view and show that you value it even though you may not agree with it. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Watch Your Body Language: Your body speaks volumes about how you are feeling and so if you want to come across and confident and assertive then you need to use the correct body language. Stand (or sit) straight and tall. Hold your shoulders back and your head high like you got super powers! You’ll not only look more confident but feel it too. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use Eye Contact: Maintain regular eye contact with whoever you are talking (or listening) to. Not only is this polite but it shows interest in them and what they have to say. You will also appear more confident. You do need to be careful not to stare though as this would just be rude, intimidating and really weird. Seriously, don’t stare. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Control Your Voice: It’s not just what you say that is important but how you say it. Your tone of voice can betray how you are feeling. If you want to come across as confident and assertive then you need to speak evenly and avoid rushing or allowing your voice to rise. Both of these are signs of stress and anxiety. Remember to pause and breathe before you start speaking, and take it slow and steady. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use Jedi Mind Trick: This is a useful technique when dealing with aggressive people. Instead of feeling attacked or becoming aggressive, you respond by agreeing with what they have said and then stating what you think or do instead. This confuses them and defuses their aggressiveness but makes you appear calm and confident. An example of this in action would be: Aggressor: “You’re always late for work! I don’t know why you don’t get fired!” You: “Yes, I’m often late but Mr. James knows that I take a later train to work so I can drop my kids off at school. I always make up the time at the end of the day and Mr. James really appreciates as it means he’s got help after everyone else has left for the day!” Now, walk away. They won’t know what hit them! [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use Affirmations: Using these on a daily basis can really help change the way you think and feel about yourself as they instil positive thoughts into your sub-conscious. Remember our inner talk is a huge contributor to how we feel about ourselves. Saying affirmations works best in the first 20 minutes of waking and the 20 minutes before you go to sleep at night. You can also write or print them out and put them up in places where you can see them regularly. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] So, now that I have provided you 10 tips to become a more assertive you, I want you to practice them until you feel your assertiveness super power activating!  Too much on the super powers? I get carried away sometimes. My bad. I know it’s a lot to contend with and for some of you…tips are just not enough. If that’s who you are, I’d like to offer you a little more help. For a very short period of time (next 48 hours)  you can download my book: “Unwavering Confidence” right now and get it for just $12.97. ($10 savings)  All you have to do is just click on the image of the book to get access today!

Remember, this offer goes away in 48 hours so don’t wait!  

[/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”6/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”1492″ image_align=”center” caption=”CLICK Image” on_click_action=”open_custom_link” custom_link=”https://giftedgenie.dpdcart.com/product/135154″][/or_column][or_column width=”6/12″][or_column_text] Confidence, or lack of it, can make you or break you.  Although it is normal not to be confident in every area of your life, it is important to have confidence in some areas and to know how to develop it in the other areas of your life.  Doing so, can result in opportunities for advancement in many areas of life, from personal relationships to work relationships. Confidence is not necessarily something that you have or you don’t.  It takes work to develop, but it can be done!  You too can make your dreams come true of achieving success in particular areas of your life. [/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_spacing height=”41px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”2293″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”20px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Beverly Jones-Durr is a Dynamic Speaker, Author, Artist, Certified Life/Business Strategist, and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She creates courses  and writes books that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable. Check out “Four Road Blocks Keeping You from Getting What You want”, a four part video series that puts you on course to mastering all areas of your life. You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube [/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”1639″ image_align=”center”][/or_column][/or_row]

Responding, Instead of Reacting To The Obstacles In Life

[or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2297″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Life happens. Well, maybe you didn’t drop your ice cream cone on the ground after standing in line for over 30 minutes to get it on a “Hot” Alabama afternoon!  But, you understand that feeling, right? Good things happen and bad things happen. They happen to everyone and seemingly in a totally random set of events and circumstances. We can argue about why these things happen and what causes certain events to take place but the fact remains…Life Happens! [/or_column_text][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2133″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text]

We can choose to react to life. Or we can choose to respond to life.

[/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] What’s the difference between “reacting” and “responding?” When you react you do so from a primitive mindset of self-preservation and it usually translates to something negative. We think thoughts like “OF COURSE this HAD to happen to me.” When we react, our emotions take a central role. The hair on our neck stands on end. We feel our stomach turn. Our face heats up and our defenses are on high alert. We know reactions when we see it. In fact, some people on the other side will intentionally stoke the fires, especially when they know we will react. They know if they poke we will coil up and be ready to react in a full way. There is a downside to reacting. We let emotions without reason drive us forward. We lose control. Reacting is sporadic and emotional. The upside may be passion, but our passion needs to be centered on purpose, not an unexpected, unproductive stimulus.     [/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] On the flip side of that coin is response. Responding is more thoughtful. Responses contain reasoning. The difference may be this: Responding is guided less by emotion and more by logic. A response is more active, and it can totally change the direction of an interaction. When you respond to life, you can be more proactive. You can look at even the most negative event and search for the hidden opportunity. You can remind yourself that most successful people found success out of problems and struggles. Maybe this moment is YOUR BIG OPPORTUNITY?   Not convinced yet? Let me give you some tools to work with that will help you get there. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2298″ caption=”You Might Want To Write This Down” image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”38px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] To respond in a more mindful way instead of reacting, these four steps may help:

Step 1: Breathing

Maintaining evenly-paced breathing is essential. Adjust your breathing to a reasonable rhythm. By focusing on your breathing, you will bring your mind and thoughts under control with each breath. Focusing on your breathing means that now you can regain your concentration.

Step 2: Awareness of body

With each breath, become more aware of your body. Being more aware helps to bring the heat of the moment under control. Pay attention to things like your face heating up or your palms getting sweaty. With your focus now on your breathing, you can also bring your body into a steady state of calm and therefore calming your systems down.

Step 3: Releasing tension

With each breathe and raised awareness, you shift from automatic into control and are able to release tensions. You can then let go and become more centered in your own authenticity. Releasing tension returns you to your principles and calmer ways of interacting.

Step 4: Raising attentiveness

When you are able to maintain your inner calmness and strength, you listen to what is being said more intently, and observe the way in which it is being said. As you begin to construct your response your increased attentiveness will enable you to respond more thoughtfully and, if needed, begin to direct the exchange in a direction of collaboration or more productive areas of discussion. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Okay, so you probably already know what I am about to say…but I’ll say it anyway. This is a “process” and with all processes it takes time to see results. Trust me, living your life on automatic is no thrill. Reacting to life’s stuff isn’t good for anyone and it is a sure fire way to be out of balance and fail royally.

“Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!”

  When things don’t the way you plan today, remember the following quote and immediately hunt for that opportunity. It’s there. You just have to find it.   “Health, happiness and success depend upon the fighting spirit of each person. The big thing is not what happens to us in life – but what we do about what happens to us.”      ~George Allen   Here’s to your success! [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”38px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”medium” image_source=”media_library” image=”2293″ image_align=”center”][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text]

Beverly Jones-Durr is a Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life and Business Strategist and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She creates courses that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable. Check out “Four Road Blocks Keeping You from Getting What You want”, a four part video series that puts you on course to mastering all areas of your life. You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube

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What is an “Inner Circle?”

An inner circle is a group of very close friends that you look to for support. They come from all walks of life, and each has a specific skill set or set of talents that they bring to the table within your friendship. You, too, have this specific set of strengths that others admire. Within your inner circle of friends, you want to have a wide variety of personalities that will not accept mediocrity but will challenge you to be more than you are today.

This is truly what an inner circle is all about. You naturally gravitate towards those people you admire. It could be that someone has accomplished something you’d like to accomplish. Maybe you admire the level of success they’ve achieved within their personal, social, or business life. You may feel as if they are “higher up” than you, so you look up to them.

These are the people you want to make up your inner circle. Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So you want those five people (five being a somewhat arbitrary number) to be people who are in a position in life that you’d like to be in as well. People who have achieved a measure of success in life have learned myriad lessons from their experiences along the way.

They have earned wisdom through those experiences. These lessons and wisdom are passed on in inner circles to those who are up-and-coming and need the support, direction, and guidance of someone who has already traveled the road.

If personal growth is something you desire, surround yourself with people in your inner circle who are emotionally and spiritually at a level that you’d like to achieve. This may mean learning new and different spiritual teachings, or finally dealing with emotional baggage that’s been holding you back. While uncomfortable to deal with, imagine life without that baggage!

If business growth is your goal, search out mentors in the business world who are enjoying a level of success that you think is impossible for you to find. Then let the lessons from these people stretch your limits and help you grow to achieve your own business success. Keep an open mind, and tell your ego to take a vacation while you’re working to learn new lessons and open your mind to new possibilities.

Understanding the importance of a solid inner circle is critical to your success no matter what your goals are.  Want more information like this?Download my report titled, “Inner Circle 411.” Use it to begin to create an inner circle that  benefits you and the goals you have set for yourself.  I offer it to you as my gift to get you started in the right direction.

Beverly Jones-Durr is a Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life and Business Strategist, Author and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She will help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable. You can also follow Beverly on TwitterFaceBook and YouTube

Make Today a Confidence Boosting Day

[or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2132″ image_align=”center”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won before you have started.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero [/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Confidence is such an important component to personal success and happiness. It is also extremely volatile and unless we know how to summon our confidence when the need arises, we can become shy, timid and stuck.   The most confident people in the world like pro athletes and even me, your “Clarity Ninja” can have our confidence shattered in a single moment. Our entire performance falls apart when this happens. Yes, I have been there too. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”34px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_single_image image_size=”large” image_source=”media_library” image=”2254″ image_align=”center”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text]

There is no magic pill or no fairy dust that can suddenly make you become confident but you can certainly make a habit of practicing your confidence boosters.

[/or_column_text][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Use today as a “confidence boosting day”. Create a confidence journal. I love my journals. They enable me to get stuff out of my head and see my thoughts and ideas in print. It’s a clarity action and it will work for you too. Write down everything you are good at doing. Think about all of the wins you have experienced in your life. Big or small it doesn’t matter. Whenever you feel your confidence lagging, pull out your confidence journal and read it out loud! The idea is to feed your mind with “confidence fuel”. [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”32px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text] Now, imagine if you made this a daily practice. Convince yourself that you are Super-Power good and experience the true feelings of confidence as it permeates through you. Your confidence would surpass anything you have experienced before. Grab that journal or notebook right now and start writing. Activate your confidence super power and make every day your “confidence” day!   Here’s to your success! [/or_column_text][or_spacing height=”39px”][/or_column][/or_row][or_row][or_column width=”12/12″][or_column_text]
 Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life Mastery Strategist and Educational Facilitator. She is also known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus to their purposeful and intentional path so that they can get stuff done. She is the creator of My Life Mastery Secrets Academy, an online academy of courses which are the go-to-place for help, guidance and tools that help you to develop your authentic self, build a positive and powerful mindset and create real time action plans that are both attainable and measureable.
Enrollment is FREE! Join TODAY! My Life Mastery Secrets Academy.
You can also follow Beverly 0n TwitterFaceBook and YouTube
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