My Epiphany

391075_217297371684259_178348908912439_478415_1377593898_n

 

 

I had an epiphany.  This isn’t my first…but this is by far the most heart wrenching one of all.  For reasons that are only important to me I have used the past couple weeks surrounded by every emotion imaginable.  You do realize that nobody can experience this plethora of emotions without either being destroyed or becoming empowered? Guess which one I am…

 

I needed to refuel, reflect and recharge.  I discovered that in all my doings for others I often forget to do for me.  My mother once said, when you make yourself available to the world don’t forget to take care of yourself.  You are no good to anyone deflated, defeated and broken.  I have experienced all those things…as a result of words and actions I never saw coming nor expected.  Isn’t that exactly how life really is?  Who can plan everything? Nobody!  What I can and am doing is picking myself up, brushing myself off and moving myself forward.  There are some things about me that are simply part of my spiritual DNA.

 

– I love my family.  No matter what… that love is unconditional.  I know that because that’s the only way I know how to love.  Loving them doesn’t obligate them to reciprocate or accept.  We all have choices and choosing to give or accept love is irrevocably a personal choice.

 

– I respect your right to live your life however you choose.  When I was mommy to my growing sons, I tried to be a good one.  I taught them to be independent, think for themselves and to follow their dreams.  My sons are absolutely capable of doing just that.  Even if I don’t agree with their choices I fully respect their right to make them and I am proud of them.

 

– I adore my grandchildren.  Unless you are a grandparent you will not understand the intensity of that relationship and the depths of love you feel just seeing their faces or hearing their voices.  I worry about them daily…not because they don’t have excellent parents, because they do.  I worry because that’s what a grandma does.  I keep them “prayed-up” because even though I would happily take a bullet for them I can’t always be there.  God does that for me.

 

– Walking in the light allows me the comfort of knowing without a doubt that God is always there.  My actions…my words…everything….God knows.  We have no secrets between us and I welcome His scrutiny.  My words have meaning and I will always speak truth regardless of how difficult it might be to hear.  I understand that there may be misunderstandings from time to time, however, what I can never do is make anyone believe me.  So long as God knows…that is okay with me.

 

– My strength, values, morals and core principles are apparent in all that I do and say. I am not perfect, but neither is anyone.  I believe in myself.  I am confident in the choices I make but I will continue to strive to be better today than I was yesterday.  

 

These couple of weeks were difficult to say the least, but as I contemplate this time I am reminded of something a friend told me this week…”Just remember crap in nature is fertilizer!! You’re just growing.”  Sometimes it feels like life has tossed a bit of crap our way.   Don’t take it personal…it happens to all of us.   Just stay in the light…you will figure out a way to grow right through it all.