Lessons Children Learn From Parents

 

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There are certain lessons that will serve every child well to have learned by the time they are an adult. The younger your child learns these lessons, the better prepared they will be for life and all it brings their way. There are so many qualities that a child must learn to become a mature adult, so take each opportunity to help your child learn whatever they can from any situation in their life. Situations present themselves often, and these lessons are there to help us grow to become more well-rounded and useful individuals. As a parent you can use these as opportunities to guide your child in their personal journey to become responsible and respectful adults.  I am sure you’ve learned these lessons already, but it is worth mentioning here because parents have often asked me “How do I guide my children in these areas?” During the month of November, I will be addressing these lessons in my weekly posts. Make sure that you are on the list so that you can receive each one.  Let’s dive right in and talk about RESPECT…

 

 

 

 

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Respect

 

This is one of life’s most important lessons. Respect is basically treating others as you would like to be treated. Without this quality, a child will find life to be very difficult. Respect will assist your child now because adults will view your child more favorably if your child displays this quality.

As adults we forget that children aren’t born with a built-in sense of respect for others. All children regardless of their unique personalities have to be taught to be respectful. Think about how babies are able to manipulate us in order to get their needs met… this is natural for them. But it’s our job as parents to teach them respectful ways of doing this as they grow.

It’s important to remember that your child is not your friend—your child is your child. Your job is to teach them to be able to function in the world. This means teaching him to behave respectfully to others and not just you.

Whether  you are a Baby Boomer or Generation X, it is a different world right now than the one we grew up. Today we wonder why kids have gotten so much more disrespectful these days—we see children and teens arguing with or ignoring adults, using foul language, copping an attitude and not using manners or respecting those in authority. This just means that we have our work cut out for us and will have to work harder as parents to teach our kids to be respectful. Added to this already exhausting situation is the fact that parents are also busier than ever before, which makes it much harder to respond immediately to our kids. Let’s face it, it’s easier to let things slide when you’re worn out and stressed from working countless hours to feed, clothe and provide a home for them. Here are a few reminders to guide you as you begin to change the culture in your own house if disrespectful behavior lives with you.

 

 

 

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Your Child Doesn’t Need Another BFF

 

 It’s not about your child liking you or even thanking you for what you do. It might not seem like it, but your child needs you to set boundaries, teach the hard lessons and protect them. They don’t know what they don’t know…but you do. Your job is to coach them to be able to function in the world. This means teaching them to behave respectfully towards others, and especially you. When you think your child might be crossing the line, ask yourself, “Would I let the neighbor say these things to me? Would I let a stranger?” If the answer is no, don’t let your child do it, either. Some day when your child becomes an adult, your relationship may become more of a friendship, but for now, it’s your job to be parent: teacher, coach and limit setter…not the BFF who lets them get away with things and do whatever they want to do.  Remember, your child can make many friends, but has been given one set of parents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Address Disrespect Early

 

This can be a little difficult but it’s always a good thing to catch disrespectful behavior as early if possible. If your child is rude or disrespectful, don’t turn a blind eye. Intervene and say, “We don’t talk to each other that way in this family.”  Giving consequences when your kids are younger is going to pay off in the long run. It’s really important as a parent if you see your child being disrespectful to admit it and then address it. I love it when Iyanla Vanzant says, “Let’s call a thing a thing!” Don’t be afraid to address disrespect. Plan your contingency in advance, don’t wait until it shows up.  If you have young kids…they will eventually move into the potentially difficult phase…Teens! Trust me when I say these can be challenging years. Lay the groundwork now and fine-tune your skills to be prepared for their interactions at a later time. This will be very beneficial to you as a parent moving forward together as a family.

 

 

 

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Make Sure You and Your Mate are on The Same Page

 

It’s so important for you and your mate to be on the same page when it comes to your child’s behavior. Make sure one of you isn’t allowing the disrespectful behavior while the other is trying to intercede. Children are truly brilliant when it comes to parental divide and conquer. If you both are not on the same page when dealing with disrespectful behavior…They Will Know. Sit down together and talk about what your bottom lines are and come up with a plan of action you both can agree on that lists of consequences you might give if your child breaks the rules.

 

 

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Teach Your Child Basic Social Mannerisms

 

This one may sound old fashioned, but it’s very important to teach your child basic manners. Coming up I was taught to address adults with “please” and “thank you.” Today, I have to admit I don’t hear much of that. When your child deals with teachers in school or gets that first job interview and has these skills to fall back on, it will really be beneficial. Understand that using manners, just a simple “excuse me” or “thank you” is also a form of empathy. A dose of empathy teaches your kids to respect others and acknowledges their impact on other people.

Although adults should live in a way that commands instead of demands respect, many also expect it to be shown by children. Your child will be given more opportunities if they are viewed to be a respectful child. As an adult, your child will flourish in their personal and business relationships. The best way a parent can teach their child this crucial quality is to live in this manner themselves. Respect the people around you and don’t talk down about other individuals. Respect your child, which gives them the self-acceptance needed to grow in this quality, and lets them experience being on the receiving end of respect. Remember, your children imitate what they see you do,  so if respect is important to you your actions must indicate it.  Don’t miss next weeks posts. Join the Every Child Has a Story community. Our mission is to build self-esteem and confidence in today’s youth!

 

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Every Child Has a Story | Beverly Jones-Durr

 

 

  bev-artisto  Beverly Jones-Durr is an Author, Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life Purpose Coach and Educational Facilitator. She is founder of Every Child Has a Story which houses Speech Crafters Club and The Writer’s Vibe. As Director at Speech Crafters Club, “The Only Public Speaking Club for Kids and Teens in Alabama”, Beverly empowers young people to command their voice, feelings, ideals, energy and intellect and use all of that to boost their communication skills. Speech Crafters Club is a safe place for members age 8 and up to explore creativity and enhance their communication skills all while enhancing self-esteem and confidence. The Writer’s Vibe is a program that empowers youth to use words to write stories only they can write and become stellar wordsmiths whose talents will no doubt someday change the world. The Writers Vibe program launches in 2017.  Check us out and prepare to be amazed! You can also follow Beverly 0n Twitter, FaceBook and Pinterest ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Image (2)175 x 175 imagepurposecert-key-1b3980f36280ed163bc048aaf47b819fcedc3bb9

 

 

In Search of Your Inner Child

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The Inner Child

There has been a lot of content written over a span of years about the inner child.  No doubt you’ve heard or read some before, but I let’s touch on the subject further.  Everyone has an inner child.  The inner child represents life lessons either learned or challenges you’ve endured or been subjected to as a child.  Often time those challenges are unresolved and can linger on through our growth into adulthood.  Sometimes the inner child resides in a place where dreams are held waiting to be fulfilled.  Getting in touch with your inner child shines a bright light into those darkened corners and when done strategically…you just might stumble upon your “Authentic Self.”  At any rate…this journey to the village of the inner child is truly a worth – while trip, don’t you think?

 

 

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Five things to consider as you begin your search

 

1. What did you love doing as a child? If you don’t remember, ask parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, anyone who knew you back then. I love photos and have been fortunate to have acquired a collection of family photos dating back nearly a hundred years.  Old photos are a great source as well as old movies/videos. Since I have been an avid journal writer for years, my journals read like history and offer a great place to search as well. Dig out those up old diaries or journals. Among the pages you might find those things you loved to do as a child.

2. What are your values? What really matters to you? Make a list and look at each one very carefully. Where did it come from? Who did you inherit them from? Is it still something that you would choose for yourself? If so, rewrite it in a way that makes it your own. If not, try replacing it with something that better suits you today.  Values are important…so where do you stand?

3. What’s fun for you now? What would you like to do but avoid because you don’t think you’d be very good at doing?  If you aren’t doing it, is it because you’re afraid of what people will say? My singing skills in church as a child were not particularly great, but I didn’t let that stop me.  However as an adult, I came to realize singing from the pew was more suitable for me.   The point is sometimes you just have to do it!

4. What topics are you drawn to? If you were going to subscribe to a bunch of magazines, which ones would you choose? I have a magazine addiction.  No, I don’t mean I buy every magazine I see, but when I purchase or subscribe to magazines I can’t throw them away.  I have magazines from 1985. (Stop Laughing)  In spite of my addiction, magazines are a great way to gauge your interest in a variety of things.  That alone makes them an excellent source.

5. What do you do because you know it will please other people? How would things change if you only had to please yourself? This is a BIG one, because by adulthood you have probably spent countless years of putting your dreams and desires on hold for others… parents, spouses, children, friends, etc.  It is possible that your own dreams and desires may be locked in your memory. If this is the case, be patient with yourself and keep looking. Remember that true personal growth has often been compared to peeling an apple. It’s a process.  Don’t be discouraged, Keep peeling.

Beverly Jones-Durr is known as the “Clarity Ninja and Mindset Shifter” because she teaches clients, consultants and other service professionals how to eliminate the fog, remove the clutter and shift their focus on their purposeful and intentional path. She is the creator of Sistahs Unlimited, a program that teaches women to develop their authentic selves and create a positive and powerful mindset while developing action plans that are both attainable and measureable. Become a VIP today and learn how to live your best life! You can also follow Beverly on TwitterFaceBook and YouTube.

Silence…..

Have you ever heard the sun come out in the morning? Did you hear the moon cone out last night? No doubt there are many things we can not hear but we know it happens. You have only to look up in the dark night and see the moon glowing brightly above. You can feel the warmth of the sun shining powerfully upon us. These are very special things that take place among silence. It is true power coming through cooperation and silence that demonstrates no need for loud, forceful, aggressive and intimidating noise. It is in silence that we become attuned to the energy and forces that are unseen and unheard. Our thoughts until spoken are silent. So are our dreams until realized. In silence we nurture our dreams, develop our hopes and create our destination.

No one truly knows what thoughts you play over and over in your mind. But you do. Outwardly you may appear confident, determined and successful but it is in your silence that you evaluate every aspect of your journey to where you dream to be. There are no circumstances around you more powerful than the power within you. You are responsible for your life through consciousness. If you believe in yourself, you are assured success and a dynamic positive force that responds and produces awesome results!

Do not be afraid of silence. Fuel your inner mind with positive possibilities and you will create all that you believe to be possible. Fill you mind with positive words like faith, integrity, worth, value, accountable.

Change will happen. It won’t happen overnight…but it will happen.