Lessons Children Learn From Parents : Integrity

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Integrity, defined by Webster is, “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.” Integrity is born in every person’s mind and heart. It is also a mind-set you needed to continue to develop.  Integrity demonstrates who you really and what you really believe about right and wrong, good and evil. Integrity is seen not in just one act of goodness, but in your entire character.

So, how do we as parents teach integrity to our children? First, you must ask yourself if you are actually modeling a life of integrity that your children can follow. Integrity is taught by what we say, how we say it, what we do and how we do it.  Let’s take a closer look at each of these methods.

 

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What We Say: My father always told me that my word is my bond. All he meant was when you speak with people they need to be able to trust that you will be true to your word.  When you understand and demonstrate this concept, you will find that you’ll be much more likely to speak truth and follow through with what you’ve said and people will trust your words.  In other words, (no pun intended) make sure that your “yes” mean yes and your “no” mean no.

 

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How We Say It: If occasionally you find yourself speaking to your children in a sarcastic or condescending tone of voice, stop it.  Patience is indeed a virtue and it can be hard sometimes to maintain. However as parents we need to be mindful of our tones and attitudes. You have to replace this attitude with a patient demeanor.  Holding on to your integrity by honoring your family in the way you talk to them on a daily basis strengthens your integrity and becomes a great example of what integrity sounds like.

 

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What We Do:  This one is probably the most obvious, and is the most important way to teach your kids integrity. You have to lead by example.  If you tell your kids that smoking is bad for them and that they shouldn’t smoke, yet you smoke everyday…what do you think the message is that you are conveying to the kids? Kids often imitate what we do more so that what we say. Start being a model for your kids and live a life of integrity that they can follow.

 

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How We Do It:  We were washing cars at a car wash for charity when this lady pulled up and asked to have her car washed. She paid the $5 for her car wash, but when putting her wallet in her purse she dropped a 20 dollar bill. My son picked it up and instantly returned to the lady. That’s integrity in action. When you teach kids to do their best in everything with excellence, even when no one is watching, integrity will show up.

 

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Integrity includes the important trait of honesty, keeping one’s word and being dependable. Integrity is a quality that becomes a way in which you are known as a person. An individual with integrity is someone who can be trusted always, whose word is never questioned, and who is known as someone with a high code of moral conduct. Even children who display integrity are known for having this quality, and children who don’t show this quality find it difficult to convince anyone to trust them. When your child becomes an adult, he (or she) will find integrity to be a key value that will unlock doors in the business sector and in his personal life, as people treasure this quality that he holds. A way that you can show your child how to live with integrity is to live with integrity yourself. Keep your promises, and do what you say you will do. Be honest, and never make your child feel that they need to doubt what you have told them.

 

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Coach Beverly Jones-DurrBeverly Jones-Durr is founder of Every Child Has a Story which is home to The Writer’s Vibe and  Speech Crafters Club – The Only Public Speaking Club for Kids and Teens in Alabama!”  Beverly empowers young people to command their voice, feelings, ideals, energy and intellect and use all of that to boost their communication skills. Speech Crafters Club is a safe place for members age 8 and up to explore creativity and enhance their communication skills all while enhancing self-esteem and confidence. The Writer’s Vibe empowers kids to use words to write stories only they can write and become stellar wordsmiths whose talents will no doubt someday change the world. The Writers Vibe program launches in 2017. Check us out and prepare to be amazed!  You can also follow Beverly 0n Twitter, FaceBook and Pinterest

 

 

Lessons Children Learn From Parents

 

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There are certain lessons that will serve every child well to have learned by the time they are an adult. The younger your child learns these lessons, the better prepared they will be for life and all it brings their way. There are so many qualities that a child must learn to become a mature adult, so take each opportunity to help your child learn whatever they can from any situation in their life. Situations present themselves often, and these lessons are there to help us grow to become more well-rounded and useful individuals. As a parent you can use these as opportunities to guide your child in their personal journey to become responsible and respectful adults.  I am sure you’ve learned these lessons already, but it is worth mentioning here because parents have often asked me “How do I guide my children in these areas?” During the month of November, I will be addressing these lessons in my weekly posts. Make sure that you are on the list so that you can receive each one.  Let’s dive right in and talk about RESPECT…

 

 

 

 

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Respect

 

This is one of life’s most important lessons. Respect is basically treating others as you would like to be treated. Without this quality, a child will find life to be very difficult. Respect will assist your child now because adults will view your child more favorably if your child displays this quality.

As adults we forget that children aren’t born with a built-in sense of respect for others. All children regardless of their unique personalities have to be taught to be respectful. Think about how babies are able to manipulate us in order to get their needs met… this is natural for them. But it’s our job as parents to teach them respectful ways of doing this as they grow.

It’s important to remember that your child is not your friend—your child is your child. Your job is to teach them to be able to function in the world. This means teaching him to behave respectfully to others and not just you.

Whether  you are a Baby Boomer or Generation X, it is a different world right now than the one we grew up. Today we wonder why kids have gotten so much more disrespectful these days—we see children and teens arguing with or ignoring adults, using foul language, copping an attitude and not using manners or respecting those in authority. This just means that we have our work cut out for us and will have to work harder as parents to teach our kids to be respectful. Added to this already exhausting situation is the fact that parents are also busier than ever before, which makes it much harder to respond immediately to our kids. Let’s face it, it’s easier to let things slide when you’re worn out and stressed from working countless hours to feed, clothe and provide a home for them. Here are a few reminders to guide you as you begin to change the culture in your own house if disrespectful behavior lives with you.

 

 

 

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Your Child Doesn’t Need Another BFF

 

 It’s not about your child liking you or even thanking you for what you do. It might not seem like it, but your child needs you to set boundaries, teach the hard lessons and protect them. They don’t know what they don’t know…but you do. Your job is to coach them to be able to function in the world. This means teaching them to behave respectfully towards others, and especially you. When you think your child might be crossing the line, ask yourself, “Would I let the neighbor say these things to me? Would I let a stranger?” If the answer is no, don’t let your child do it, either. Some day when your child becomes an adult, your relationship may become more of a friendship, but for now, it’s your job to be parent: teacher, coach and limit setter…not the BFF who lets them get away with things and do whatever they want to do.  Remember, your child can make many friends, but has been given one set of parents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Address Disrespect Early

 

This can be a little difficult but it’s always a good thing to catch disrespectful behavior as early if possible. If your child is rude or disrespectful, don’t turn a blind eye. Intervene and say, “We don’t talk to each other that way in this family.”  Giving consequences when your kids are younger is going to pay off in the long run. It’s really important as a parent if you see your child being disrespectful to admit it and then address it. I love it when Iyanla Vanzant says, “Let’s call a thing a thing!” Don’t be afraid to address disrespect. Plan your contingency in advance, don’t wait until it shows up.  If you have young kids…they will eventually move into the potentially difficult phase…Teens! Trust me when I say these can be challenging years. Lay the groundwork now and fine-tune your skills to be prepared for their interactions at a later time. This will be very beneficial to you as a parent moving forward together as a family.

 

 

 

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Make Sure You and Your Mate are on The Same Page

 

It’s so important for you and your mate to be on the same page when it comes to your child’s behavior. Make sure one of you isn’t allowing the disrespectful behavior while the other is trying to intercede. Children are truly brilliant when it comes to parental divide and conquer. If you both are not on the same page when dealing with disrespectful behavior…They Will Know. Sit down together and talk about what your bottom lines are and come up with a plan of action you both can agree on that lists of consequences you might give if your child breaks the rules.

 

 

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Teach Your Child Basic Social Mannerisms

 

This one may sound old fashioned, but it’s very important to teach your child basic manners. Coming up I was taught to address adults with “please” and “thank you.” Today, I have to admit I don’t hear much of that. When your child deals with teachers in school or gets that first job interview and has these skills to fall back on, it will really be beneficial. Understand that using manners, just a simple “excuse me” or “thank you” is also a form of empathy. A dose of empathy teaches your kids to respect others and acknowledges their impact on other people.

Although adults should live in a way that commands instead of demands respect, many also expect it to be shown by children. Your child will be given more opportunities if they are viewed to be a respectful child. As an adult, your child will flourish in their personal and business relationships. The best way a parent can teach their child this crucial quality is to live in this manner themselves. Respect the people around you and don’t talk down about other individuals. Respect your child, which gives them the self-acceptance needed to grow in this quality, and lets them experience being on the receiving end of respect. Remember, your children imitate what they see you do,  so if respect is important to you your actions must indicate it.  Don’t miss next weeks posts. Join the Every Child Has a Story community. Our mission is to build self-esteem and confidence in today’s youth!

 

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Every Child Has a Story | Beverly Jones-Durr

 

 

  bev-artisto  Beverly Jones-Durr is an Author, Dynamic Speaker, Certified Life Purpose Coach and Educational Facilitator. She is founder of Every Child Has a Story which houses Speech Crafters Club and The Writer’s Vibe. As Director at Speech Crafters Club, “The Only Public Speaking Club for Kids and Teens in Alabama”, Beverly empowers young people to command their voice, feelings, ideals, energy and intellect and use all of that to boost their communication skills. Speech Crafters Club is a safe place for members age 8 and up to explore creativity and enhance their communication skills all while enhancing self-esteem and confidence. The Writer’s Vibe is a program that empowers youth to use words to write stories only they can write and become stellar wordsmiths whose talents will no doubt someday change the world. The Writers Vibe program launches in 2017.  Check us out and prepare to be amazed! You can also follow Beverly 0n Twitter, FaceBook and Pinterest ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Image (2)175 x 175 imagepurposecert-key-1b3980f36280ed163bc048aaf47b819fcedc3bb9